is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My ass is underappreciated
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
