WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
