yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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