Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
