wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
