i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
