And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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