The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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