you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In America we eat man semen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
