you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
