Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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