There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
