I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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