this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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