I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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