Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
