I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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