thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
