We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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