I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
