Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
