it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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