so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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