I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
