I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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