she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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