Your face is a jimmy john
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
