you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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