this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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