Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
