; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
now i know why i became what i already was.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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