your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
