So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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