my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
