porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
