you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
