..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
