I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
