this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
