like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
