Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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