he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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