so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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