Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
