she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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