i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
