this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
