On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
