My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
