He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
